The pain from the arthritis has become severe with constant sciatica and joint pain. My hands just stop working at times and normally at an inconvenient one too like when holding a cup of hot tea! I am so over dropping things! Sleeping is also a challenge. I take an antihistamine (phenergan) and a valium to stay asleep. Getting to sleep isn’t normally an issue as I am so worn out from getting through the day but staying asleep for more than a couple of hours is the challenge. Sure drugs are not the solution but until I can find one I still need sleep so they are the stopgap.

I WILL start back doing tai chi when classes start-up again. I am also working on NOT being my partner’s slave. The same old problem of being named carer which translated by male brains means ‘slave’! I am not the only one in this position I know. Talk about circles! My childhood was until around 8 quite good then family live changed with a move to a town that had high cost of living so mother went out to work and I was, being the only female, made the family maid. Here I am now gone full circle except I have to add sex to the services provided. I would like to want to make love but it just isn’t there – too exhausted I think – mentally & physically – certainly emotionally. here we go the bloody tears! oh poor me! I am so sick of it I wish my brain would just be happy.

I read a good American Indian proverb the other day I really like and have reminded myself of when I get into the poor me – simple put it says there are two wolves inside each of us  fighting;  g/son asks which one wins and grandfather replies “the one you feed”.

This is not an easy task when one lives with a person who is so into themselves they can’t see past their nose. Unless it is something totally unimportant eg whether a signpost is straight!! yep much more important than noticing that I have collapsed on the floor unconscious

oh well no point in complaining is there. after ten years he hasn’t changed. he went away recently for a week and came back all loving and caring .. lasted all of about a week! gets the shits with me when there isn’t enough money to buy something he wants and criticises me for paying the bills instead of leaving the money for him to spend on something that is a whimsy of his. the most expensive so far of these has been this printer .. costs so far around $4000! yet despite having all that is needed to get it working again he doesn’t go work on it. if working this would provide a good source of supplemental income – he could have money to waste. So while I go without pretty well everything he lords over all feeding his insecurity with bullying.

How can I be so strong with other things yet so weak when it comes to saying no or standing up to myself with him. I have now allowed it to become the norm to browbeat me into submission. He nags and nags yelling and sulking in turn until I just give up and tell him to do what he f…ing wants! of course if I fight back it is full on and then he goes and sulks. nothing I do is good enough, always something to criticise so I guess it isn’t any wonder I feel as I did when a child with my father telling how worthless I was.

Here I am again with a husband instead daily telling me what I have done wrong or picking at things. Of course then rants how everything is done by my command! Sometimes I wonder what planet his head is on because it sure as shit isn’t in this reality.

When out in public he makes a big deal of holding my hand etc bleah yet if I deign to speak he talks over the top of me. Sometimes the other person will just ignore him and try to listen to me but partner just talks louder making all other conversation impossible. He will go BIG time out of his way for someone else but can’t even make a pot of tea for me .. or even put the kettle on! Help around the house LOL yeah but not since the last ice age.

Now, despite no prior knowledge of such, he wants me to build an e-commerce web site. The cost around 5k but maybe I have found a place for around $1,000. It doesn’t matter we can’t afford that anyway,  especially now that I bought a package which I was told we could add our products to but this was total bullshit and I have spent $300 on that. This was as a result of days of pounding by husband prior about what he wants blah blah. I thought I had the solution when this person that he contacted initially phoned but of course as normal he just Coudlnt’ talk on the phone. Now I say I wasted this money but he was there and discussing the thing with the guy on the phone also so it was a joint decision so I don’t know how it became my fault … gee I am so easily brainwashed these days! OK so I am not taking the blame for that anymore!

this should be fun he has decided to come shopping with me! ahhhh he expects to get around a large supermarket in 15 mins. shopping isn’t easy; first the 50km drive to another town (we in the bush) thus people and traffic; then more people in supermarket.

anyway time to restore my backbone and take pleasure in being myself and not let him put me down to boost his own ego. positive thoughts!

several locals have recently rescued animals from pythons with most responses being well done and great you didn’t hurt the python. the first of the animals saved was a baby wallaby which being wildlife I think yeah OK but the second was kittens. now I know I would do the same if I had a cat and she had a litter of which two were being squished by a python. You would have to know at what stage it was possible to save and when it was more merciful to allow a quick death and allow the python to have a meal.

I wrote this as a response but then decided it was off topic so deleted it -
‘I guess I would try to save if possible but I wouldn’t blame the python – tis only natural. it is hard having ‘pets’ and living in the bush. peter wants to get more cats but mm I am rather enjoying having wildlife personally. my little furfriend MauMau gifted herself when the time was right to a python … ahh I still miss her so ‘

plus thought maybe might be offensive when these people were saving kittens. I don’t know the kittens family but I do know that there are WAY too many litters being born around here. there is no way all those kittens (that I have heard about so no doubt puppies also) can find good homes. the community has a low income average and although I think pets are wonderful there is no end of need for wildlife carers.

I would love to do this but I know my partner couldn’t deal with that. I would much rather do that then have cats or dogs. and OH SHIT thinking of cats and dogs .. I have to go feed neighbours cat as she away overnight!

I love snakes, finding all reptiles incredibly fasinating. been enjoying the series being reshown on TV.

it is now quite sometime later and I am so pissed off … spent time and ENERGY cooking dinner but  it was too disgusting that my partner couldn’t eat it!! I ate it and found it quite palatable … well if he wants to be so fussy then he can cook for himself. the only reason I cooked was because i didn’t last night and so he ate nothing but biscuits and lollies all day and then wondered why he slept like shit!! how can one care for someone who refuse to take the most basic responsiblity for himself. I give up!

I have been struggling with severe depression for some months but he cares not .. only interested in wether there is money for him to waste and sex! though don’t expect 4, 2, 3 or even one play!!

The cost of the war on drugs – October 2, 2009

Michael Duffy is a Herald commentator.
Source: The Sydney Morning Herald

Michael Duffy does the sums on the extent the Australian Government would be financially better off if we conceded that criminalisation of drug use was a lost cause and lifted the prohibition.

Australian governments spend about $4.7 billion a year on the war on drugs. This figure was arrived at using information from the Australian Drug Law Reform Foundation and other sources and is an estimate of how much the Government would save and get in tax revenue if illicit drug sales were regulated and taxed the way tobacco is.

I compiled the figure because of a growing interest in the economic consequences of the war on drugs launched by the US president Richard Nixon in 1971. Dr Alex Wodak, director of the Alcohol and Drug Service at Sydney’s St Vincent’s Hospital, observed in the Herald recently that there is a growing belief – across the political landscape – the war has been lost.

At the United Nations in 1998 there was acknowledgement that the war was not going so well, and a pledged of a renewed effort in reducing demand within 10 years. As the deadline approached, RAND Europe and the Netherlands’ Trimbos Institute reported to the European Commission that they found no evidence the global drug problem had declined. Interventions against drug producers, such as coca growers in South America, caused local disruption but had little effect on global supply. Drug prices generally declined, even in those Western countries that toughened their law and order approach.

In 2005 a Harvard economist, Jeffrey Miron, produced a paper urging legalisation of marijuana because the prohibition had minimal benefits and could cause substantial harm, including the diversion of government spending that might be better used. Five hundred economists wrote to the American government supporting his call. They included the Nobel laureates George Akerlof, Vernon Smith, and the late Milton Friedman.

The debate in Australia could do with some economics. Dr Wodak said this week: “After 40 years, it’s time to consider just what the war on drugs has really achieved, and at what cost. It would be very interesting to know just how much Australia has spent on drug law enforcement, and how much has been gained.”

John Humphreys, an economist with the Centre for Independent Studies, says: “It gets interesting when you try to do a cost-benefit analysis on the prohibition. Basically, there aren’t any benefits.”

Others, of course, disagree. But in order to have a useful debate, we need some idea of cost. I acknowledge my figure is an informed guess, and invite comments and criticism. Neither this nor any other figure necessarily means illicit drugs should be decriminalised.

The calculation of the annual cost of the current laws to government is based on figures compiled by the economist Tim Moore (see box). The two biggest costs are policing and imprisonment. I have excluded any expenditure that would be expected to continue if illicit drugs were decriminalised, most significantly health care.

Such expenditure might increase if decriminalisation led to a significant increase in the number of users. Evidence from countries such as the Netherlands and Portugal, which have in effect decriminalised drug use, suggests there would not be a big jump. I assume, therefore, that the level of drug use would remain about the same.

Moore’s figures give us a total of $2.79 billion, which I have discounted by 10 per cent, a guess at the cost of enforcement activities that would still be needed, such as policing a prohibition on driving under the influence of drugs. This gives a savings figure of $2.51 billion.

Tax revenue is much less certain, and involves major assumptions. The starting point has to be the size of the current annual illicit drug market. The best estimate I have found is in The Three Billion Dollar Question for Australian Business report for the Australian Drug Law Reform Foundation by a trio of professors, David Collins, Helen Lapsley, and Robert Marks. Adjusted for inflation, this suggests the market was worth about $11.4 billion last year.

What would happen if prohibition were repealed? Prices would drop a lot: Collins and Lapsley estimate to about 5 per cent of current levels, except for marijuana, which would drop to 25 per cent because there’s less risk now in trading it.

Others have suggested less of a drop. The economist Jeffery Miron published a paper last month assuming a halving of current prices for marijuana (because prices in Holland, where the drug is in effect legal, are still between 50 and 100 per cent of American prices), 20 per cent for cocaine, and 5 per cent for other drugs.

My assumption here is that the return to drug retailers would drop to an average 10 per cent of current prices, an annual total of $1.1 billion. I lack the expertise to know whether this is enough for lawful dealers to cover costs and make a profit. Anyway, there are too many unknowns. How might cocaine be produced if decriminalised. Would it be imported from South America, or from New Guinea? Could it be grown in north Queensland?

I assume sales worth $1.1 billion to retailers would be taxed by government at the same rate as tobacco is now, where the “sin tax” is about 200 per cent. This would boost the total cost of drugs to consumers to $3.3 billion, of which tax would make up $2.2 billion.

Adding this tax take to the enforcement cost of $2.51 billion mentioned above gives a total of $4.71 billion, the amount by which government finances would be better off if prohibition were repealed.

Some financial implications have been excluded from the calculation because of uncertainty or relative insignificance. These include the cost of taxing the new industry, and the revenue from taxing companies and individuals engaged in it. Personal income tax would also flow from some people now in prison on drug convictions who would return to the workforce.

The principle of self medication with herbal/vitamin/mineral food supplements would be restricted to ‘prescription only’ status, if the Codex Alimentarius is applied inthe UK and elsewhere, particularly the USA.
(UK only) Since the NHS priorities are ill health diagnosis and treatment, the good health preservation that supplements provide will be inaccessible to the majority of our population and the cost to the NHS will increase.
According to the projections based on figures from the World Health Organization (WHO) and the Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO), a minimum of 3 billion people will die from the Codex mandated vitamin and mineral guidelines alone.

Codex in Depth: http://www.healthfreedomusa.org/index.php?page_id=161

apart from going crazy myself .. probably bloody hormones .. just wish people would leave me alone! .. don’t have anything to say just that I am still going nut or gone … and still angry and hate the world ..

try to remember to take the Macca Powder and some other stuff I got from the Apothecary but can’t afford it .. will have to get the big bottle .. $50 but it did seem to be helping but only had 10 days dosage.

too much to do and so nothing getting done! actually have managed to drag through quite a lot … but hubby still a nag!

SO we decided we would move. the stress of just the idea was bad let alone the actual moving. hubby wasn’t a big help … a good excuse this bad back … shame mine is probably as bad but I am female and tougher … men believe me you are all bloody wooses when you are a little sick and there is a female around to look after you! women just keep on keeping on ….. and so I did and still do. hubby is still no assistance at all just a work creator and money spender.

I am still fuming over the fact that he could not let me buy my own camera – it WAS my money – the last of my super before the wonderful financiers lost it all – reduced by $1800 in a little over 12 months! and it was such a small amount left after having used the bulk of it to start hubby’s other business in Qld that led to his bashing and us walking away from the place and loosing everything due to police corruption. Justice is a joke in this country .. there isn’t any but what would you expect in a police run country… and that was before they brought in the new laws giving police unlimited power. Corruption is rife and lazy was the name of the day … well I don’t know the reasons for the Police Prosecutor to NOT do his job but for some reason he decided we did not need, deserve or get justice.

So back to the camera … for sooo long I have wanted a good camera .. ie one with interchangeable lenses. I get my super and say here you are this is your share and I will have this much too to buy myself a camera. OH NO .. not on your life! he spent his share + + + +  and then couldn’t wait to let me buy my own camera in my own time in my own way OH NO so he bought what he reckoned was a good camera – and it is – but it isn’t the one I bought for myself. I am sure many women will understand even if some males don’t. This was so rude and disrespectful that I haven’t even been able to say anything due to my total anger and abhorrence at how he really thinks about me. Just a fucking machine perhaps? obsessed with sex – we are nearly 60! another stress of the nightly grope and the sullenness when I am not in the mood for a quick f*** – no effort put into it at all – and I spend my days running after him and all the work he creates yet when it gets a little hard OH he is ‘can’t cope’ so I have to do the job he has told someone he would do – but is happy to deliver the job and take the credit. why do I love this person? I wish I didn’t – having to fight for some personal time is not right. If I sit down to have a rest it is minutes before he is nagging me about something that needs doing. “oh I am not nagging just wanted to know what was happening” ffs do it yourself if it is that important to you… no that would have to be someone else asking for something to be done wouldn’t it. the universal cry of wives … do anything for anyone else but if I ask him to do something then it is impossible, can’t be done, hasn’t the time, too hard or just ignored.

so when did the disrespect start? or has it always been there and I just had those rose-coloured glasses on? did it happen after the bashing and his personal respect was battered? he accepts no personal responsibility at all .. he would sit there and starve to death if I didn’t feed him once a day. he complains loudly and continuously about pain how sick he is but will do NOTHING to help himself .. continuously stuffing his mouth either with a cigarette or lollies! Wonder why you feel so suckful – doh!

My Mum is still in Melbourne but is supposed to be moving to a place in Brisbane. The doctors say she hasn’t Alzheimer’s disease but don’t know what is causing similar symptoms. she should just take up toking and stop worrying about what she can’t remember. she has no problem with day-to-day stuff .. so what if she can’t remember she has already read that book! Still she chooses the high life and thus in that world you MUST be on the ball or you must be sick and go to the doctor

and specialist

and another specialist

and yet another … until you are so worn out from seeing doctors who seem to be very uninformed you really do become sick… bit boring

Yet I have not been able to overcome the PTSD that I was left with after the home invasion/bashing – loosing everything due to police not doing their job – ffs the assailant signed a statement saying he did it all – what more do they want?!

PTSD is a suck. I can’t go out. It is stressful just to go into town to shop. I try to go to places where I feel comfortable such as Sphinx Rock Cafe which is now even closer since our move. We have been out once – Murray Kyle again – hubby came this time and enjoyed himself; but it is close enough for me to go alone and not feel too scared.

We had planned to go to Brisbane this weekend but as the time drew nearer my anxiety levels rose. hubby’s back went out so had him screaming in agony so what sort of visit would it be and he could hardly get in the car and drive to Brisbane if he can hardly get out of bed. 50% real and 50% enhanced acting imo. Wouldn’t be able to (can’t) cope with him not being the centre of my attention!

I too have a Very bad back with severe damage to my neck restricting the signals (messages from the brain) so all movement takes much more energy than normal and that doesn’t take the pain into account. I cannot take daily chemical medicine and so have to ‘deal’ with it unlike others who sit on their backsides, have buckets of medicine for pain, and be waited on, and yell and throw tantrums if not… I just knew I didn’t want a child and now I have one that will never grow up or leave hom. oh f*&^ I get so depressed with this non life I have.

My days are spent cleaning, washing, cooking, looking after home affairs ie all the bills etc yet get abused for ‘spending all the money on paying bills’ !! gee wonder what I am meant to spend it on .. more crap for him to play with! sorry enough bleating.

does make me feel good to get it out though … even if I don’t have anyone to talk to except my computer .. .ie because I can’t have a friend without him becoming jealous, naturally the bs is enough to drive anyone away who may think about being a friend of mine. if anyone comes to visit they get to talk to by him as no one else gets a word in … so my cyber friends and my friend my computer … I used to able to read but if I pick up a book there is suddenly something that has to be done or I have to listen to some drivel and I can’t just escape into the story when you only get to read a paragraph here and there. This I can do in a shorter time .. I am up hours before him getting a lot of the housework done then as it is impossible doing that ‘around’ someone.

Today I decided I have to start or rather stop being such a martyr and stand stronger!

if I can endure the tantrums

oh yes the new house is great … a Real house not a converted shed. landlady is very nice albeit very loud. no one closer than 500 metres but someone around plays their music all day everyday at maximum volume … wonder why they live in the bush? it is a little annoying when I get to spend some time in the garden and all I can hear is the doof doof of the bass … it isn’t dance music but that is all you hear at a distance. there is a dirt road that runs along one fence which with the dry weather causes dust and me having to sweep/wash the floors daily (moderate + allergy to dust) … the dry and low humidity isn’t helping my health with breathing being quite difficult a lot of the time.

beautiful … an Eastern Rosella .. lots of them in the beautifully layed out native garden. it is a joy and I am getting solace from again having a garden to spend time in … got veggies in also well can’t buy decent food on the pension and pay for utilities and a car and petrol (no public transport AT All).

enough … will have to get up and do some chores

Our life has been disrupted for the last four months with the advent of a ‘person’ moving into the vacant house (the only one within kooee on large acreage) right next to ours. Now being the bush, people are friendly and helpful and not suspicious. All those paranoia’s many develop living in the city, this person has in bucket-loads and has made our once peaceful home not so anymore. I understand that we all, as people, ‘allow’ others to affect us but in our (hubby plus myself) condition health-wise we are not able to put up the fight needed to keep such mentally ill people from affecting us. We wish we were.

We keep to ourselves and despite many problems with the house rarely ask for anything from the landlords, .. we just do it ourselves eg cleaning out the grease trap .. that is pass out smell job!! we were happy as we loved the spot and the peace of the farm. The landlords home is only about 200m further down the hill but we rarely see each other; friendly chat when we do; you get the drift.

So we have decided to move. This is not something either of us really want to do but this person may stay for another year and that would see us both in the hospital .. continuous accusations of the meanest most puerile things .. boring .. I have had experience of such people before and know how they work and what lows they can sink to, to get what they want – the term is psychopath.  Today when I had a shower and hubby was out I locked the front door!! we never lock anything; we leave the keys in the car, even in the village; yet today I felt unsafe with the front door unlocked This is very sad and an indication of how distressed I have become being an open spirit person and thus open to the warped energy from next door – never did learn how to close off.

Now the problem of moving is that there are few places that come up for rent (same everywhere) … there is a place coming up but it is in the village. I have finally got to live on the land and don’t know that I could again live with houses on each side despite both those tenants being really lovely people. The advantage of the place is that the front garage has front glass doors inside the normal garage door. this would make a fantastic little work area for peter and all his printers; be handy for computer jobs etc.  Do I go here and find that it is more than I can handle and hubby looses interest in the work or become too ill from the stress of working? All I want is to be left alone! to have a garden; to grow my food and herbs – to enjoy the peace of the simple things in life.

Two beautiful, perhaps not so peaceful but wonderful, wildlife visits.

The first visit was from a tiny bat. We didn’t know of course during the day but when hubby went up to do the bed it was flying around when he turned on the light. Poor little thing that bright fluorescent light glaring in its eyes! It was the most beautiful little animal. We left the blinds and window open that night which did the trick. Lucky it was that night because the next night the temperature plummeted!

The second was on Saturday. I was sitting here at my computer and I heard my fish danglely thing tinkle (it is made of bamboo and quite large). It took a few seconds but I finally saw the gorgeous python climbing up the handle of the broom and trying to get  on the danglely. It was probably looking for somewhere to sleep off the next month. It went behind the cupboard but was too cobwebby there so retreated. I moved it outside to go look elsewhere .. hubby thought it was beautiful but wasn’t up to allowing it to stay inside .. probably wouldn’t have been good for the cat either as she is on her last legs and although too big may still have been killed by the snake. It sure would have been great to sort out the mouse plague though! wouldn’t have worried me at all.

I don’t know how long it will take to find a new home and wont rush into something just to get out of here .. we can ignore pretty well .. but it will only be a matter of time before the person requires a new drama and devises some fantasy in their mind.

I wondered if the landlords giving us a wheelie bin after four years was a way of saying ‘sorry’ for putting that person in the house? LOL

Research on the chemistry and pharmacology of cannabinoids and endocannabinoids has reached enormous proportions, with approximately 15,000 articles on Cannabis sativa L. and cannabinoids and over 2,000 articles on endocannabinoids. The present review deals with the history of the Cannabis sativa L. plant, its uses, constituent compounds and their biogeneses, and similarity to compounds from Radula spp. In addition, details of the pharmacology of natural cannabinoids, as well as synthetic agonists and antagonists are presented. Finally, details regarding the pioneering isolation of the endocannabinoid anandamide, as well as the pharmacology and potential therapeutic uses of endocannabinoid congeners are presented. © 2008 Wiley Periodicals, Inc. Med Res Rev.

Australian New Crops Web Site
Supported by the Rural Industries Research and Development Corporation
Listing of Interesting Plants of the World

http://www.newcrops.uq.edu.au/listing/species_pages_C/Cannabis_sativa.htm

http://www.newcrops.uq.edu.au/listing/species_pages_C/Cannabis_indica.htm

http://www.newcrops.uq.edu.au/listing/species_pages_C/Cannabis_ruderalis.htm

http://www.beckleyfoundation.org/librarycontents.html

for anyone – before you click on a link place the mouse over it and look at the bottom left corner of your browser there you will see the address to which the link is pointing. If you always check you wont be caught out by such scams.

Site: The Final Hour – Chronicaling World Events As It Enters It’s Darkest Hour

http://thefinalhour.blogspot.com/2009/03/hr-875-end-of-organic-farming.html

H.R. 875 is called the Food Safety Modernization Act of 2009 and you can find the full text of the bill here:

http://www.govtrack.us/congress/billtext.xpd?bill=h111-875

This horrific bill would establish a “Food Safety Administration” within the Department of Health and Human Services. The mandate of this new department would be “to protect the public health by preventing food-borne illness, ensuring the safety of food, improving research on contaminants leading to food-borne illness, and improving security of food from intentional contamination, and for other purposes.” Section 3 of H.R. 875 defines what type of establishments would be subject to the regulations in this legislation. It that section, a “food production facility” is defined this way: The term ‘food production facility’ means any farm, ranch, orchard, vineyard, aquaculture facility, or confined animal-feeding operation. So that would include….. *All organic farms *All small farms *All family farms *Even small family gardens if you sell any produce to your neighbor at all If you read this bill, you will see that it gives the government the power to regulate what is “safe” farming, and therefore if organic farmers are not using enough herbicide on their plants to be “safe” or they aren’t following the same “quality control” procedures as the big guys they could be instantly put out of business. In addition, it loads small farmers with massive amounts of paperwork and administrative burdens that the big corporations can handle but they can’t. That is how you put a horde of small competitors out of business – you get the government to pile on the rules and burdens and regulations until they collapse. That is why Monsanto desperately wants this bill. They hate the small farmers and they want to take them out of the picture. If you care about organic farming, please call Congress and tell them to stop this horrible bill…

OR

Site:  Fact Check: Annenberg Political Fact Check

http://www.factcheck.org/askfactcheck/would_a_new_bill_in_congress_make.html

…Talk about Internet hysteria. This bill, H.R. 875, introduced by Rep. Rosa DeLauro (D-Conn.), has sparked chain e-mails, blog postings and other exclamation-point-filled rants (like the one above), claiming that the legislation targets organic farmers, benefits manufacturers of genetically engineered seeds, and threatens to uproot backyard vegetable gardens across the country. It doesn’t.

DeLauro introduced H.R. 875, called the Food Safety Modernization Act, on Feb. 4, and it was promptly referred to House committees. There’s no indication as to when it may be brought to the floor for consideration, despite what some blog posts maintain. The stated purpose of the bill is “to establish an agency within the Department of Health and Human Services to be known as the ‘Food Safety Administration,’ ” which would oversee food safety and labeling in the U.S., creating a single government entity in charge of preventing food-borne illnesses. DeLauro’s press release announcing the legislation, introduced after the peanut butter salmonella outbreak in the U.S., said that “FDA would be split into an agency responsible for food safety (the Food Safety Administration) and another responsible for regulation of drugs and devices. This move creates an agency solely focused on protecting the public through better regulation of the food supply.”